No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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