I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
