coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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