Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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