He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
