i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
