I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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