Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're making bets on your personal life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
