Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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