Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
