just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
