I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
