All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
