If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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