i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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