Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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