You just made me feel so damn special
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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