how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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