First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
