I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
