She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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