The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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