How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize