My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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