she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize