It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
