Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
