apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
