Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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