I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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