Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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