Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
