Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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