Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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