Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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