So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
