haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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