dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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