scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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