one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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