I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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