She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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