What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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