I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
