Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
