Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
