just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
