woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
