I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
two words: eviction party
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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