As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
