I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
