i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
