We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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