It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
