repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
