Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
