after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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