The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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