Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
