chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
